Not so much

**Ok, so I wrote this post about 4 months ago and have held off on posting it for various reasons but I think it's probably time to just get this out in the open because I feel like nobody is saying the things that I found out.

I'm not really a believer....


Please don't be mad. 

If you're mad...please hear me out and read the whole thing.

When I first started this blog, I mentioned that I might share my thoughts about essential oils. When I made the statement, I was in the thick of cold and flu season and my house was not being spared the wrath of the winter bugs. I was pretty desperate and I was hopeful that they would work for us. Desperate because I had a 5 month old who had 3 ear infections in a row with NO fever. Oy...

I was also hoping that there was a solution to my upcoming spring allergies because antihistamines have such a profound effect on breastmilk supply and I was nursing my daughter. I figured there was no downside to trying them out. There's lots of claims and success stories out there, so why not enjoy those benefits for my family.  I didn't try everything...but I tried some things for about 4-6 weeks. I did not use them everyday because that's a lot to remember. I'm lucky if everyone in the house gets a bath and two teeth-brushing sessions every day.

First of all, I honestly really wanted them to work...I had a lot of hope. I wanted to believe that there was a simple and effective way for me to take control of my (and my family's) health with no side effects or negative consequences. Let me also say that this post is just reflective of my personal experience within the confines of my own home. I have not conducted double blind research studies (not sure that anybody has) nor have I spent hours upon hours researching and figuring out what everyone else out there has said. I'm a mom and I frankly have much more important things to do with my time. Namely, love my family well and teach my children a multitude of life skills, live out the gospel, cook healthy meals and just get enough sleep, for crying outloud!

So here are the reasons that essential oils are not that essential for me. Again...no research studies done here. But I have a medical background in pediatric nursing and I've also been a mom for 3.5 years, which I know isn't accredited...but mom knowledge is pretty powerful, amen?

1. I don't want to need to depend on more things.
We basically have to pack our entire house for a weekend trip to the grandparents house. Literally...I cannot add something else to the list of things that will result in a meltdown (or a shopping trip) if forgotten. One time we forgot diapers! Y'all...we're just keeping our heads above water sometimes.

2. I think that using oils to kill unnecessary bacteria will lead to oil-resistant bacteria...similar to the overuse of antibiotics causing super-bugs that are resistant to first-line antibiotics. 

3. I think that if our bodies depend on oils to function properly that our immune systems will be affected, and maybe even go into remission. Our bodies were created immaculately. When functioning properly, our immune systems defend us from all kinds of viruses and infections that we aren't even aware of. 

4. I think it's dangerous to delay seeking actual medical care because you're sitting at home trying home remedies. Period.

5. It is impossible to correctly dose oils. Get ready for nurse mode...
There is no specified amount or dilution ratio that an accredited agency has approved. Many resources just say to use a couple of drops...or one drop diluted in some carrier oil. This was the first and maybe the biggest red flag for me. It just doesn't feel right to administer something without a dose...especially on my children. You better believe that if a nurse has ever given you a medication, an injection, or even just IV fluid, that substance has been measured to the exact amount per your weight on that specific day so that you get the right amount, down to the 100th of a ml sometimes. Also, in nursing, you check 6 "rights" before giving ANY medication to a patient...you check to make sure it's the right patient, the right medication, the right dose, the right time of administration and the right route. Number 6 is right documentation, but I don't really see how that applies in this instance. When you use an oil, you don't have any backstop to check any of these things.

Should you dilute your oil? One source says yes, pinterest says no, your friend says sometimes.

Should you re-apply it every hour? every 6 hours? once a day? Once a minute? There's no real answer out there. Anything...ANYTHING...can be toxic if taken too much. Even water.

Children are NOT little adults. Sometimes they cannot and should not have the same things as adults only in smaller doses. Their livers and kidneys don't process things the same way. Their skin is more sensitive. Their bones are still growing and are pliable. You find very little medical data about things being without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt safe for children because nobody wants to volunteer their children for medical studies. I don't! Why would I subject my kids to be unofficial guinea pigs for the essential oil industry?

Besides these very real and possibly serious reasons, I think that the way of thinking within this community is a little bit strange. I read through a facebook thread one night where a person asked about a certain oil and whether or not others had experienced night terrors when using it. Someone responded with something to the effect of..."oh just keep using it. Your body isn't used to getting 'good' sleep. The night terrors will probably subside." 

WHAT?

THAT. IS. CRAZY. 

Did you also know that the oils that you don't particularly like the scents are the ones that "your body NEEDS the most?" I read that somewhere too... 

So basically, if I like the way some of them smell or work, I should buy those. And if I don't like others, I should STILL buy those. #salespitch #comeon

And this final part of my oils testimony is why I finally decided they were not for me. Again...this is just truly what has happened in my house. Those 4-6 weeks after I bought my starter kit when I used the oils in my home daily were the SICKEST two months in the history of my family. The healthiest person in the house was BY FAR my husband, who adamantly refused to even try any of them even once. My two children and I were all sick (off and on) over those 6 weeks with diagnoses including (but not limited to) unspecified viral infection, double ear infection, influenza A, unspecified stomach bug, a second double ear infection and a virus that looked a whole lot but was never tested for RSV. My only conclusion is that these oils either did not help protect us at all OR they made us more susceptible to the pathogens we come in contact with everyday.

I don't think it's out of the question to think that after rubbing an antibacterial oil on my body, the good, helpful bacterial that we count on to protect us was possibly eliminated and the harmFUL bacteria that was on the doorknob at preschool or the crayons at church were able to wreak havoc on our immunocompromised systems. My thought...let's not fix something that isn't broken. Our bodies are INCREDIBLE! Our naturally built in immune systems cannot possibly be replicated by any external source, natural or unnatural. That's an opinion...but I'm pretty sure lots of research would back that up.

Now, for the devil's advocate in you...I don't know if we might possibly have gotten sicker had we not used oils at all this winter. Maybe. But it's impossible to know. It's also very predictable that my husband, who leaves the house each day, was least likely to get sick because he was around us (and our germs) the least. It's also true that we are really lucky in our house and at this time, we don't have any medical conditions in which we have exhausted all current knowledge with no cure for an ailment or condition. Those people have every reason to try almost anything they can...

Do I think we should avoid oils like the plague? Or the flu? 

No...I really don't.

I think they're supplemental. I do think they should be used sparingly and probably not on children at all. I don't think you should stop buying your cleaning supplies (or making your own with vineagar, dish soap and baking soda). I don't think they'll replace much of anything in your medicine cabinet. Supplement...yes. So could you add an oil to your current cleaning solution to make it smell lovely? Sure. Could you try some oil instead of ibuprofen for your headache? I guess...but I'm always gonna have that bottle of Advil handy.

What do I like about them? I think they smell lovely and clean. I appreciate that they eliminate the gross smell in my vacuum cleaner and the diaper pail. I absolutely think lemon oil could replace GooGone...hands down. And I like grapefruit oil in my water. I also think the DoTerra blend for mosquitoes works pretty well...And ok, I do think that they help with allergies (if you reapply it every 10 or so minutes). You know what you don't have to reapply every 10 minutes? 

Afrin.

That stuff is incredible. 

So don't be mad. I just can't get over how sick we all were during the time that we used them. And how we all miraculously started returning to health when I put up the diffuser and the roll-ons. 

Give Me Back My Hometown

"Did you hear that there was a shooting in Waco?"

I stared in disbelief at the notification that popped up on my iPad on Sunday morning...it was morning because I was in California. My heart pounded because the headline included that 9 people were dead. "Who were they?" I immediately thought. Some of the people I love most in this life live in Waco and I've lived there longer than anywhere else in the world, although I do not right now. Chances are, in a town the size of Waco, if nine random people were invovled, I probably knew one of them.

"Oh, it was a biker gang."

Sigh of relief....

I went about my day. We flew home to Texas and the news kept rolling in. Hundreds of arrests...cops involved...some racial accusations...

The location was named and I stopped in my tracks.

No, I've never stepped foot into a Twin Peaks in any city on this planet. But guess where I have been? The restaurant that is literally a stones throw away from the site of the deadly brawl. We go there a lot. We meet my parents there for lunch when we're driving through town because it's right on the highway. Wanna see?

I don't use this blog to post pictures of my family, because I want to protect them at all costs. But right here is a picture taken on Sunday, May 3, 2015...two weeks prior (almost to the minute) to the May 20 biker shooting. 

We were within walking distance of that now deadly site.

We were driving home from Dallas to Austin, and Waco was the perfect stopping point for everyone and it was lunch time (bonus!) My parents met us after their church service and it was just like any other lunch. We sat on the patio...the kids made a huge mess with their lunches...one of them required an outfit change...and I had a bottle warmer with me but couldn't find an outlet to use. My baby literally has one absolute demand...warm bottles. She is relaxed about pretty much everything else in life. So it was like, kind of a thing, that there was no outlet anywhere. My sandwich was delicious, but I had to eat it fast because after the outlet search, I spent a few minutes inside talking to the parents of one of my good friends. They still live in Waco and I hadn't seen them in years.

If our California trip and Dallas trips had been reversed, we literally would have been there. We would have heard the shots fired. We would have heard the yelling. These babies...my whole precious world, would have been there. 

When I came back across this photo, I shivered in the pit of my stomach. I realized that sigh of relief is just not appropriate. Because I didn't know any of the men who were killed, I had distanced myself from empathizing, feeling and mourning what is actually an incredible tragedy. God, in his Sovereignty, protected my family from even being present that day. But others were there. Others were present...living their lives right next door and suddenly they weren't. Suddenly they were in a real and present danger that they in no way asked to be a part of.

I can't help thinking that Waco, as a city, is under attack. It may sound a bit outlandish, but think of the history. I'm not going to Google search anything...just simply fall back on my own knowledge. In the 1950's, a tornado ravaged the city, and is called one of the deadliest in Texas. I believe over 100 people died. As a teenager, I knew the statistic that Waco has the highest crime rate per capita in the country. (I KNOW, RIGHT!) I have no idea if that's still true...or if it ever really was...but people said it, and I definitely believed it. There's an incredibly large part of the city living in extreme poverty, so petty crime and drug use are realities. Oh, and that little incident in the early '90's called the Waco Seige. That whole mess put the town on the map and unfortunately, recovery has never been realized. Ten years later, when I was a college student at Baylor, I was walking though London Heathrow airport, and I saw a newspaper with the headline "Murder in Waco". Awesome. A Baylor basketball player had been found dead and his teammate was indicted and then convicted of his murder. 

There's more...but I'll just stop. 

Because I've made my point, yes?

From that last paragraph, why in the WORLD would any sane person want to live in a place like that? What good could ever come from there? Tornadoes, crime, poverty, drug abuse, cults, murder, and now biker gang shoot outs...

All of these things could have happened anywhere on the map but for some reason, they have all materialized in Waco. Many of them don't even involve Waco residents...the people who live and breathe and work and sleep within the city limits. Waco is under attack from a greater evil than any human being with harmful intentions. 

But why?

I think it's because Jesus is doing really powerful things in that city. I think he has been for years. He is raising up generations of people who know and love him deeply. Then some of those people move away and they end up living in random places all over the world. When people ask them where they are from and they say Waco, well, there's a distraction. There's a misunderstanding. There's an assumption made. I know this because I've been the recipient of those assumptions and misunderstandings.  How can anyone take a person from Waco seriously? Surely they lived in the compound! (sarcasm) The reputation precedes you so damage control must be done. This is not reaching...you should hear some of the conversations I've had. 

Actual convos: 

"Texas is great...as long as you're not from somewhere like Brownwood or Waco...Oh you're from Waco?" 

"So do you know any of the Davidians?"

"Weren't you scared to grow up there?"

um...no.

My guess is that Satan, who is our real and true enemy, thinks that he can negate or distract from the powerful things that God is doing there...and doing in the lives of His people there. People like Louie Giglio and David Crowder. People like Robert Griffin III and Joana Gaines. People like me and the girls I grew up with. 

The truth is that Waco is full of incredibly loving and generous people, many (not all) of whom have put their trust in the saving grace of Jesus. The university in town is one of the largest that still affiliates with a religion...and they actually utilize much of the Biblical doctrine in their day to day. There are ministries, churches, outreaches, volunteer organizations, even a church that meets under the bridge for the homeless population. People are friends, neighbors, co-workers. You know your waiters, you see familiar faces in the grocery store. Even though I haven't lived there in over 10 years, I still find these things to be true.

So now that all eyes are on Waco (again), I hope and pray that what the world will actually see is a community of people who love well. Who respond gracefully. Who mourn with those who are hurting. Who support the men and women who serve and protect them. Who break down barriers to protect one another. Who squelch out racism and hatred and violence. Who will display to the world that there is more than what the headlines say. 

Prayers to you all y'all.

Chalk Paint Project

After my last post, some of you asked for me to do a post about my furniture upcycling project whenever I was finished. Well, I'm finally finished!

Here is the before and after and I couldn't be more pleased with myself or how it turned out.

I found lots of pictures on Pinterest of this old Thomasville French Provencial china cabinet...like the exact same one that I bought...and it gave me lots of ideas for what I wanted to do with mine.

I ended up using the Annie Sloan chalk paint...I used French Linen and Old White...straight up, no mixing colors. I didn't distress or use dark wax either...just a coat of clear wax buffed up real nice and shiny.

One thing that I did and I'm glad that I did it is taking off the doors up top. I wasn't sure if I'd feel like it looked naked, but I think it modernized the piece without taking away all of the character. Also, I replaced the pulls with knobs! I LOVE knobs! The above pic is missing two of them because I bought out Hobby Lobby and they had to order more. I tried to place a special order for two knobs and they looked at me like I was crazy. But I was kind of nervous that they wouldn't get anymore and I'd be short. Rest assured, they came in and I bought them and I don't have a drawer that's missing knobs. 

Not a great photo above...but I wanted one of the entire room and this is the only light in the whole room so it had to be on. You can see that my dining room table is a dark wood finish and I wanted a different color than brown for the new piece, since so much of our furniture is brown. Brown dining table...brown leather sectional...brown bookcase...brown sofa table...brown entertainment center...brown end tables...ok, you get the point. I think the neutral colors I picked complement the room great by adding some interest and contrast while not competing for attention or being too loud.

Also...all of this is just my opinion...I don't have a design background or even all that much confidence in my taste, so if you're looking at this like, "girl...get a clue", you might be right. 

I took a bunch of pictures of my progress so I could keep track of things and send updates to my mom...although I wasn't all that great about sending the updates real time. I thought it was super fun to take everything apart...we got a new power drill that has a cord (so it NEVER dies! Woohoo!) 

 My husband was a little nervous after the first coat dried that it was going to need like 12 coats...but he's one of those painters that tries achieve full coverage in one coat. Don't even get me started. This is what one coat is supposed to look like.

It ended up taking 2 coats of the French Linen and 3 coats of the Old White. I loved every minute of the painting. I thought it was so fun to see the transformation. Oh I also bought the Annie Sloan paint brush and wax brush because I wanted to make sure that I didn't screw it up. I figured as a rookie, I needed all the help I could get. 

 I didn't take photos of it, but I ended up filling the holes in the drawers and drilling new ones for the knobs. I like pulls but I couldn't find any that I liked and I think knobs are wonderful. So I needed new holes that were more spaced apart.

Y'all...waxing was seriously a work out. And I read all these things that said that the wax makes it "come alive" so I was kind of expecting some spectacular show.  Well I didn't have such a revealing time with my wax. It definitely makes the piece feel finished...if you don't wax the chalk paint, it scratches if you look at it wrong and it feels rough and chalky. You definitely have to wax but it's like, not that exciting. I also watched a tutorial video that put all kinds of fear in me about using too much wax. So I spent an evening waxing this bottom piece only to go out the next day and realize I had done absolutely nothing besides rub a slightly greasy brush all over my still chalky chalk paint.

So I'd say the waxing step took me the longest because it just wasn't all that fun for me. It made me feel like, ok...I really don't want to do this to every piece of furniture in my house. It just didn't provide the initial transformation that the paint gave (which was fun and exciting) and it took some elbow grease, which I was kind of not in the mood for at 9:30pm, which was usually the time I was working on it. 

When the waxing was done, I did love putting the piece back together...reconnecting the doors, bringing it inside and stacking the pieces on top in their final resting spot...yeah, that's good for the soul.

I've spent a little bit of time putting some of my favorite things on the shelves and let me tell you, there is an art to decorating one of these. My rules...which are in no way founded in anything other then my own personal opinion is to stay balanced (which honestly is very unlike me...I am a sucker for asymmetry), stick with neutrals, show off your favorite things and put as much breakable stuff as possible on the higher shelves. Also...go to Home Goods to find some fun fillers.

Also...that lamp doesn't go there. My three-year-old just thinks that we're moving all of the things over to this part of the room now. :)

So after it was all said and done...my sweet and supportive husband was all..."You could totally sell this for a couple grand. How about you do this to make some dolla' bills?"

Stay tuned...

ha...just kidding!

Close Calls

Is there anyone else out there who feels like their entire existence is just a long string of close calls? I feel like this is my life right now. It's terrifying, emotional, gratitude-inducing and honestly, kind of annoying. Like, could we just not have these things happen FOR ONCE!

Take last night, my husband has been putting our 3 year old to bed so that I can work on this upcycling project that I created for myself when I stopped by an estate sale in my neighborhood two weeks ago. In short...I bought an old china cabinet...because we've been married for 6 years and we don't have anywhere to put that expensive china that everyone told me that we needed when we were receiving wedding gifts! Why did nobody tell me that I would need a Caribbean vacation for my 6 year anniversary? Or a lifetime supply of pedicures? Where was that gift on my wedding registry?

But anyways, I do need one and I've wanted one for awhile but just didn't really have the time or energy to think about it. Not that I have an abundance of time or energy right now, but that Estate Sale sign was just calling my name. So I went in and I bought it...here's a before, just because pictures are nice in breaking up blog posts.

Ok, so back to my original thought...

My husband was putting our son to bed without me and it was taking a REALLY long time. I was in the garage working and thought that maybe I should go check on them. When I opened the door, I was greeted by the lovely sight of my son standing up on top his dresser while my husband is passed out asleep in his bed. Um...excuse me while I hand out "Parent of the Year" awards to myself and my husband. Oh...it was 9:45 at night. 

(For anyone who is not a parent that is WAY too late for a 3 year old to be awake)

What if I hadn't walked in? I'll give you one guess as to what the next step is for my firstborn after he has climbed up on top of a dresser and then stood completely up. If you said "jumping off" you'd be right. I'm guessing he would have hurled his body onto his bed right on top of my unassuming, slumbering husband.

Not even 24 hours later, (that's a fancy way to say, this afternoon), we were driving home from playing with some friends when I had to hit my brakes a little hard for a red light. The trash from our "special treat" Chick-fil-a lunch, ice cream cup included, went hurling into the floorboard of my passenger seat. Without even thinking...I leaned over to pick it up so that the sticky melted ice cream remains didn't spill all over the place. What I failed to do was put my car in PARK!

Y'all, when I had retrieved the trash from what I thought would have been a devastating disaster spill, I looked up to see that my car had drifted into the intersection where oncoming traffic had been given free range by their green light to drive in the exact spot I was sitting in. What is even more panic-inducing is that a car had just made a left turn onto the street I was coming from...I don't know how to explain that better because I'm not a drivers ed teacher. But basically...that car should have hit me. I don't know if it was a timing thing or if he swerved out of the way of my drifting car, but it seems...it REALLY SEEMS like that was a miracle. 

It also was a miracle that no other cars were coming through the intersection at that very moment. 

It was a miracle that my son didn't jump off of his dresser and bust himself up last night. 

It is a miracle that my heart is pumping and my lungs are breathing and my babies were born with their vital organs functioning. 

A miracle.

I think we like to come up with reasons not to believe in miracles. I think we like to excuse things that happen as coincidences, when really, they are divine protections over us. It's easy to flippantly say that it was a lucky break, but I choose to think that God values me more then that. I think he has plans for me that require him to save me daily from myself. 

I know sometimes that those close calls turn into disasters. Sometimes we can understandably look at God and say, where were you on that one? What happened that time? I don't have all of the answers for those...but I know that sometimes, the easy route or the route we had planned doesn't always end up being the best thing. I know that every single person will have things happen to them that they wouldn't choose and that all of us carry different loads with us. It's not a fair world we live in...that's why it's so good that it's not all that there is for us. You are so valuable...you are worth more than being left up to chance.

We may dismiss significant events in our lives as coincidences, but I think that deep down, we know that there's more to it. We know we are worth so much more. I mean, aren't we? When I turned around and looked at my babies in the backseat of my car today, I know the answer is yes. 

So if we can't dismiss our close calls, we can't dismiss our existence either. We know we were created for SOMETHING. We have a purpose. We need to stop thinking unintentionally about our days. And definitely stop thinking about things that happen to us as accidents. So before you start thinking about the Friends episode where Ross has a "near-death experience" when a car backfired, I'll just say one more thing.

I can't help but be really grateful for the close calls. They snap me out of a daily, un-engaging existence to an awareness of gratitude and joy. And they make for some pretty good stories too...

Personal but not private

Any writer or blogger will admit to anyone that there is a whole mess of unedited writing somewhere that they have written in some moment of acute revelation that will never be seen by another human eye.  If I’m honest, I have these short blurbs of self-disclosure all over the place. I have notes on my phone that I’ve dictated while sitting at a stop light, accent errors and all. I have fully written blogs that were heart felt in the moment and expressed quite eloquently but read back later sounded “preachy” or irrelevant. I have like 7 journals so that if I need to take notes or remember something, I can write it down. It’s nothing short of a cluster. No one will ever see any of it, and I’m ok with that.

I’ve been relatively silent on this particular venue because there’s an audience…be it, rather small. Words are incredibly important, and when you put them on the internet, they can be etched in digital stone whether I know it or not. So I contemplate much more deeply whether or not something should be published here. Foolishness spreads much quicker than wisdom with social media, which I think we all know. I’ve also been silent because I have felt a particular nudging from the Lord to write transparently and honsetly about Him…To use this as a semi-public platform to discuss and praise Him.

That’s not necessarily what I had in mind when I created the domain. I kinda wanted this to be a light-hearted space just for me. Gee that sounded selfish. A space to discuss recipes and natural skin care and coffee shops and crafts…things that are a little less weighty. But I’ve recently felt as if that’s really not what God is calling me to. It’s to the point that anytime I sit down to write something, I can’t think of anything besides what He is teaching me on my faith journey. I wrote an entire blog post about Leah, Jacob’s wife in Genesis, because my heart just broke for her as I read her story for the 100^th time. And I was drawn into her person and I saw her through God’s eyes as she lived her entire life with a husband who chose someone else over her. But I didn’t publish it because…I don’t want to sound preachy. I don’t want to be that crazy person who can’t talk about anything else. Who wants to read about Leah?

I’m writing today because I read something that maybe has changed everything for me. “It’s important to keep our relationships with God personal, but not private”. (From She Reads Truth Lent study) Personal, but not private. What if the authors of the Bible (Moses, Jeremiah, Luke, Paul, Timothy, etc) didn’t want to “sound too preachy”? What if the people who told the stories about the Exodus from Egypt, or David and Goliath, or Daniel with the Lions never wrote it down and shared it? Those parts of God’s redemption story…they might not be known by us today. It wouldn’t make God any less powerful, but we would just not have those stories to point to and praise Him for things he has done. “God has scripted an enormous and lovingly elaborate story of love and provision for his people.” (SRT) Read that quote one more time…it’s exciting. He has done great things and performed marvelous rescues of his people from the beginning of time.

I love thinking about God as our great rescuer and about my relationship with Him as a love story. It totally and completely satiates my desire for the Disney fairytale that I heard and dreamed about as a child. We are part of a great love story…no matter who we are….single, married, divorced, widowed, old, young, male, female. All of us. We are (present tense) all the object of God’s affections and desires, so much that we don’t have to daydream about becoming a Disney princess or watch a romantic comedy to experience it.

Why is it important to make our relationships with our creator and sustainer personal but not private? For those times that life is hard. God has an incredible track record of remaining faithful to His people throughout generations in all circumstances. He will not turn his back on us. He will pursue us and mold us and be faithful to us. When life gets hard, (because it does) we need to be able to look back and remember that God is faithful. He has carried each of us through and has done so for thousands of years. In order for us to reference that…stories have to be shared.

So I’m just rolling with this. It’s not really what I had in mind, but it’s the topic that I continue to want to write about. And it’s alright if a lot of things that I write are never seen by anyone else. And it’s ok if people would rather read light-hearted, humor-filled blogs instead of this. I am definitely that person sometimes. But I don’t know if I have much to contribute to that genre of writing. We’ll see how this goes…please don’t expect professionalism, or wisdom or clever puns but definitely transparency and obedience. And yes, still some of my favorite “reality food” recipes. 

Drawing Near

So I have to confess that I woke up this morning kind of dreading this day. In fact, I went to sleep last night dreading it. On the surface level, it's because I've had at least one kid sick almost every day for the past 3 weeks and today is no different. They're both struggling with a virus that has germs being coughed and snotted all over my house, myself and each other. It's no surprise that every time one of them seems to get a leg up and feel better, the virus gets passed right back to them and we're down for the count again. 

We're stuck at home. It's freezing outside. We haven't had much, if any human interaction with anyone else for almost a week. Hindsight proves that we shouldn't have even been out then, even though I thought we were done.

Any parent knows that this is wearing. We've all experienced it before, and we'll do it again. We're helpless to do much to change the situation and that loss of control in your role as a parent is quite disconcerting. 

Peel back that surface level of non-ideal circumstances and you'll find me...moody, stomping around, getting frustrated way too easily and lashing out at my husband whenever he gets home from work, or if he doesn't subconsciously know what I expected him to do or if he just happens to be in the same room as me. What's more disconcerting than a loss of parental control over temporary circumstances is that I can so easily allow those circumstances to steal my joy. 

I am so thankful that God doesn't give up that easily on me. He continues to pursue me even when I turn away from him, sit down in my shallow circumstances and pout about my life. Something I read this morning stopped me in my tracks..."As you come close to Jesus, the world around you will transform and become more beautiful and radiant because you are changed."

I immediately understood the source of my grumpiness. It wasn't the powerlessness of sick kids, loneliness from being quarantined, or anything that my husband said or did. It was my choice to let my circumstances steal my identity and define the way I saw the world. It was my passivity in not drawing close to the Lord and instead to try to manage myself on my own. It doesn't look or feel like a dramatic rebellion, so it's something you don't even recognize as it's happening. But every single day I need him to heal me, redeem me, accept me, and save me. And every day he invites me and accepts me to do that. 

Gratitude is a big thing for me so I talk about it a lot. That might incorrectly make it seem like it's something I do well, but no, I'm actually very naturally bent toward feeling sorry for myself when things aren't as they should be. (That's a nice way of saying I like things to go my way). Gratitude is something that I have to actively seek or else I won't have it on my own. I've seen the fruit of a grateful heart though. I've seen how the world actually does transform and become more beautiful when I see it through a grateful lens. It's a simple and at the same time, powerful tool to transform a broken, moody, impatient and unloving heart into a heart full of joy.

The same message has met my ears a few times in the past few weeks but I had no idea how it applied to me. That message was that "there is no sin that is bigger than the cross of Christ." 
What?
Why is this truth being repeated to me from multiple sources? 
I mean, obviously, it's true...but the context didn't apply. But I believe that anytime something repeats itself,that it's not an accident. I think this is it. 

When we struggle against the same thing, it may be incredibly frustrating to us, but God doesn't give up on us. He wants us to continue that struggle. He wants to help us gain victory. He wants us to know that even though we said that the last time was the last time, and then we failed again, that he still pursues us. He doesn't change. He doesn't give up.That truth overshadows and trumps any circumstances the enemy can throw our way. If for nothing else, I am so grateful for that. 

Popping Corn Snack

I thought I'd post a quick reality food snack because I've been wanting to post something but my thoughts are completely jumbled about a lot of different topics and I'm finding it hard to write them out...probably a combination of some negative circumstances and a lack of sleep. Anyways, I'm totally against writing if it doesn't flow from you. It becomes choppy and awkward to read and I refuse to be that person just writing to write. 

So one of my favorite reality snacks is popping corn! We all love it really! It's super easy to make and replaces those microwavable bags that supposedly are slowly killing us all.

What you do...

A bag of popcorn kernels is pretty cheap and can be stored in the freezer. When you're ready to snack, heat a large pot on the stovetop and add 2-3 tbsp of oil. My favorite to use is coconut oil because YUM! But you can use anything...olive oil, butter...whatevs.

We usually make 1/4 cup or maybe 1/3 cup at a time and that's PLENTY for everyone to be quite full! Add just 3 or 4 individual kernels to the oil as it melts down and cover your pot with the lid until they pop. It's super fun to watch if you have a clear lid! 

As soon as they pop, pour the rest of the kernels into the oil, cover with the (hopefully) clear lid and shimmy that pan around on the heated stovetop. This part won't take long, they should all pop up real quick because the oil is already heated to the right temperature. Three-year-olds LOVE this part!

While the oil and your 3-4 kernels are heating up, grab whichever spices you want to use for seasoning! This is the best part because you can season your popcorn however you want and you can make incredibly delicious popcorn without drenching it (and your arteries) in butter. My go-to mixture is garlic powder, parsley, and paprika. I don't measure them out...just season to your taste. Add these to the popcorn once it's popped but still hot.

Other seasonings I've tried individually and in combinations are red pepper flakes, chili powder, basil, and oregano. I'm also not against a small amount of salt. You could also do a cinnamon and nutmeg blend if sweet popcorn is your jam.

And there you have it...a delicious snack full of good fiber and not drenched in fat. I've also heard that fiber from whole grains can actually strip your arteries of cholesterol buildup...and that's a GREAT thing that your movie-theater popcorn is definitely not doing for you.