I rarely find myself spending my free time reading. I just don't have the discipline for it...there's so many other things that are louder and shinier that are competing for my attention. And since I have the willpower of a 9 year old in a candy store, I usually find myself sucked into a Shark Tank episode (or let's be real...the Bachelor) for hours in the evening or scrolling through instagram and facebook looking at new baby scrunched up faces and reading the political opinions of my high school friends who I haven't seen in 15 years. It's very rewarding and makes me feel like I have been very wise with my free time.
So back to this book...
Even the cover makes me smile. And in an attempt to do more reading of books and less of the facebook statuses, I'm now reading books on my iPad. It's granting me much more success because there's way less of a chance for me to stack my iPad in a pile of magazines to avoid cleaning up for real. And while it's the source of most of my above-mentioned distractions, it's already in my hands...unlike the paperback book I bought on Amazon that's now lost in the stack of Pottery Barn magazines.
So if you have ever had a precious friendship, you should read this book. It has done wonderful things in the card catalog (remember those?) of my memory in reminding me of some seriously precious times in my life spent with some very special girls. She writes about different friendships of her own and organizes them by chapters, so the first few chapters, she writes about her childhood friends, followed by the trivial and sometimes toxic junior high friends. She camps in her college years for awhile, which is where I am bookmarked at this point.
The book is easy to love not because of how captivating her stories are. It's because it draws me back to my own memories. It reminds me of my own experiences, my own friendships, the places we went and the games we played and the things that made us excited. It literally brought back memories of my own that I hadn't thought of in years. It jogs my senses and I can suddenly taste that Dr. Pepper lip gloss that my 7-year old best friend and I traded back and forth...or the Flinstones push-pop that we always got from the snack stand at the country club pool. So what I feel so compelled to do is write my own mini-version of this book and call out by name some of MY girls. The ones that are literally irreplaceable, while highlighting some of the memories that have been brought to the surface, because...all of the emotions!
And what I would love is if it might jog your own memory and remind you of your own friends. And if I'm not a good enough writer to do that, then you definitely have to buy the book for yourself...
So here we go...
The Good Ole Days
When I think back on my time as a child, two of my friendships literally stand out above all of the others. Maybe because we were just together all the time, but also maybe because I still consider these two girls, now women, to be friends closer than a sister.
I have no idea how old I was when I met Amy, but I was at least 3, because that's how old I was when we moved to Waco. Our moms were friends, our dads were friends and our brothers were friends, so it was a match made in heaven, or just in Waco. We went to the same church and the same elementary school and I'm pretty sure my excitement over each school year had more to do with whether or not Amy was in my class, not who my teacher was.
Amy and I spent our afternoons at each others houses, imagining amazing things, like how we would start an architecture company...we even drew house plans with rulers...like, lots of house plans, so our clients would have lots of options. She had a trampoline in her backyard that we would do cartwheels off of...like onto the ground. She was the only person I knew whose parents drove a station wagon and everyone always wanted the back seat that faced backwards. We would explore her neighborhood and she taught me how to suck the honey out of a honeysuckle flower.
Is that a real thing or were we just mildly poisoning ourselves?
When we were actually at school, Amy and I used to catch caterpillars and ladybugs at recess and bring them in and put them in our PENCIL BOXES in our desks with grass for them to eat! Did our teachers even know about this because...OMG.
Public education is real y'all.
Cara is my other person. We met when we were like 7 or 8 years old and we lived in the same neighborhood. She and her mom had just moved to Waco from Dallas and she quickly became my favorite neighbor. We had car washes in the driveway...you know, when you charge a dollar per car to basically rub soap all over the bottom half and your only customers are your parents or your poor unsuspecting next door neighbor. I actually rode my bike over to her house...(gotta love the '80's). Her part of the neighborhood had a community swimming pool, so we'd walk over from her house and play pool games like underwater tea party or the game where you dunk your friend until they guess the right color (sounds fun right?)
These first friends of mine were at every slumber party, we dressed as angels in the church Christmas pageant. I don't see them often, but they are people I treasure. We learned lots of things together. We each met Jesus during the time of our friendships. There were other incredibly sweet friends but the memories with these two run deep.
It should also be mentioned that my cousin Romi and I were very close growing up. We are the same age...well, I was (am) 6 weeks older than her, which made me incredibly wiser, especially with my broad knowledge of the world from growing up in Waco, Texas. But Romi had an older sister, my cousin Rachel, who was basically the coolest person I knew. So Romi's status as Rachel's sister made her way cooler than my wisdom brought to the relationship. I wanted to do everything they did. And if something terrible had ever happened and I would have had to find a new family, I would have wanted to live with them. Also, they lived like 10 minutes from Wet N' Wild in Arlington...cool points increasing dramatically.
And in one of their houses, Rachel had a room that was the only room upstairs and it was right above the garage so it shook when the garage door opened...
...and I'm sorry, but I can think of NOTHING cooler.
One summer, I stayed with them for a week and it was then that Romi and I watched Dirty Dancing no less than 27 times, stayed up late talking in her "non-garage apartment" room, and went swimming in their backyard pool every minute that we weren't dreaming about Patrick Swayze. Romi was safe. I could be exactly who I was with her and she could too. We were definitely not as cool as Rachel, but we were something together...and we had each others backs when our older boy cousins beat up on us.
Romi and I used to ask each other EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. that we saw each other "Have you started your period yet?" Literally...this is what pre-teen girls talk about. So one time, we were out at our grandparents house in Lubbock, TX when my dreaded answer was going to have to be yes. I was so worried. Would she make fun of me? Would her feelings be hurt? Only, she didn't ask me. I left Lubbock with my family under the assumption that the only conclusion was that she got her period on the same day as me. And she didn't want to ask me just like I didn't want to ask her. We've never talked about it...except that now...she may read this and ask me to kindly take this off of the internet for the whole world to read.
Almost but Not Yet
Junior high...not necessarily my favorite time of my life. And ok...aparently it was a thing for me and my friends to dress up in old dance costumes at sleepovers....
The years were marked by change...a new school, new responsibilities (like decorating a locker!), organized school sports and tumultuous friendships. Four or 5 of the elementary schools fed into the same junior high for us and neither Amy or Cara stayed in the school district. It wasn't like I didn't have any other friends, but girls in middle school are strange creatures. You can't trust them, and I'm speaking of myself as well. For the first time, I started looking out at the people around me and seeing myself as inadequate by comparison. I had two groups of friends, "school friends" and "church friends". Even though I spent more face time with my school friends, I think back on this time of life as significant with my church friends. These girls went to a different school. But I loved them and wanted to belong with them. I was definitely most myself with them. These girls- Robin, Lauren, Emily, Andrea, and Britni- were the ones that I went to summer camp with. We did all of the church activities together- drama, choir, mission trips, Disciple Now weekends- and we were BOY CRAZY together. It's actually pretty embarrassing.
Besides that, the rest of my time was spent playing sports. You know, to see if I would be good enough to play anything in high school when it mattered. Basketball...no. Volleyball...no. Softball...yes. Cheerleading (it's a sport)...definitely yes.
If I had a book and not a blog, I'd write a lot more. Like...a lot more. There are some pivotal friendships in high school that I could camp out on for paragraphs...but right now, I want to just skip to my college years...because, oh my heart.
So We're Adults Now...
Except there were a few that did...
I went potluck for my freshman year roommate...and at this point in my life, that sounds kinda terrifying. But when you're 18, it's like BRING IT!
My roommate Lindsay was from Odessa. She came in town to meet me shortly after high school graduation and I had just had knee surgery. Heaven knows what she thought about me...knee brace and pain killers. I'll never forget that I picked out these matching comforters for us to have in our dorm room from Linens 'n Things that were...um, less than beautiful. She was gracious and wonderful and went along. I don't know about her, but I thought we were two peas in a pod. We downloaded all kinds of things on Napster (shhhh)...like the Aggie Marching Band and Will Farrell impersonating Harry Carey on SNL. Just the audio...and we got a beta fish and named him Whiskers because of one of the skits. Hilarious, Right?
Y'all we had this tradition (if you can call it that), where everyday after class, we would come home, say hi to Whiskers and watch Legally Blonde all snuggled under our awesome LNT comforters. And we were literally obsessed with playing pranks on our hall mates. Finally, one day, it caught up to me and some of the girls on our hall took my towel and clothes while I was showering. Now that I think about it, I think Lindsay may have been in on it. Anyways, to show them that it didn't bother me, I wrapped myself in paper towels and strolled out of the bathroom casually. However, paper towels basically dissolve when you put them on wet skin...so #relationshiptoanewlevel
One early January morning, Lindsay was already out for the morning and I was sleeping in, as college kids do. So while I remember this story taking place at like 6am, it was probably more like 10:30. It was Lindsay's birthday and her parents called to sing her Happy Birthday on our dorm phone (because in 2001, if you had a cell phone, you didn't actually use it)...only she wasn't home and I didn't pick up because IT WAS SOOOO EARLY! The Carlson's proceeded to sing very loudly on the answering machine...the whole song. It became a thing. "Lindsay...your parents. You need to call them back and tell them to simma down."
Three months later, on my birthday in April, guess who got a call from Odessa with a captivating version of "Happy Birthday to youuuuu"? Oh...me. It was amazing...and they did it all four years of college, even after we weren't living together anymore. I mean, have you ever? What peaches!
I lived with Lindsay for two years. Then for my junior year, I decided to live with some girls who I met as a freshman and then became fast friends with after pledging in the spring. These girls...Molly, Lauren and Sarah...they saw the best of me and the worst. We were all so different, yet we meshed together so well as a group. And it's funny, my relationship with each of them was different from the other. I literally feel like I need to write another post for and about them, because they became such a huge part of me. We learned social norms and how to split bills together. We called each other out when relationships or insecurities or attitudes were destructive. We took trips together and went to date parties and two words...Sky Ranch. These girls have a piece of my heart even though it's been awhile since I've seen any of them, but we have mad group texting convos.
Photo below: not a photo shoot...they're just really that gorgeous.
Now We're Actually Adults...
So we graduated college and friendships weren't over...but they were different. We moved to different cities and I ended up living alone in downtown Dallas. This was like the worst living situation ever for an extrovert like me. At this point in my life, I remember having an outstanding date every Sunday night with my Amy (my architecture partner) and her new husband to watch Grey's Anatomy in their one bedroom garage apartment. Oh my word...how well they loved me! I'm pretty sure she even cooked for me every single time.
I was lonely and looking for more and desperate for the next thing. And she found me. One of my most significant friendships of life began subtly in college and then became my roommate 9 months after graduation. I was so thrilled that she would even want to live with me. Amanda and I were young professionals in the big city, both from small-town Waco. We were not into the party scene, but not at the point that we needed to join church singles groups to make friends. We stumbled on them ourselves, and the friendships we made together led me to find my now husband. It was a sweet time of freedom and responsibility and finding Jesus in a real way. Finding Jesus because he is so good. These years with her as my roommate were some of the most formative for me. She showed me such grace and love when I was not gracious or lovable. She showed me how vulnerability can mean sitting on the floor with your friend and shedding tears with them when life is hard and that the best response is to say..."Can I just pray for you, right here, right now?" I had never had a friend like her up to this point in my life.
We both got married and she moved to Austin. Some new friendships became very much the forefront of my life. The most amazing thing about these friendships was that our new husbands were all friends too. If you're married, you know just how much that positions you for a successful friendship. We were navigating newly-wed life together and it was so sweet. These three girls have become "my people" and what's amazing is that I didn't see it happening until it had already happened. I looked up one day and was like, yep, they're the ones. The ones that know everything. The yucky stuff about me that I hide from other people. The ones I ask inappropriate questions to. The ones who pray for me even though it's been over 5 years since we've all lived in the same city. The ones who called me regularly when I lived in middle-of-nowhere-freezing-cold upstate New York. We've been a lifeline for each other over the years and our group text history would take years to comb through.
Skipping ahead to now, I recently had a moment here in Austin when I looked up and thought to myself again "yep, these are my people". And I didn't even realize it happening. I'm so thankful for these girls who I'm doing life with here in Austin. I'm thankful that we co-raise our kids together while husbands are at work. I'm thankful that it's safe to share insecurities or triumphs. I feel full when I leave them and look forward to the next time.
Friendship is so good. It's SO good.
It was created by God to push us toward him. It helps us to feel not-so-alone in whatever circumstances this dark world has thrown our way. It allows us to learn about and look outside of ourselves, to grow and change. And friendships don't stay the same. They grow and change or they dissolve with the phase of life. And that's ok too. You can't possibly hold onto them all and invest in a real way in every single one of your friendships. You can't hold everyone accountable or make time to allow yourself to be known deeply enough by all of them. But wow...the way friendships weave in and out of your life is such a beautiful story.
I think it's beautiful.
Some stay for awhile. Some are quick and painfree. Some start early and grow roots into your heart that will always be there. Some stand the test of time and distance. Some span through families and others stop when new life phases begin. I'm so thankful for you all...This is my memoir to you.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better....
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good"
-Wicked Soundtrack
