Can I explain myself a bit?
It's been a YEAR AND A HALF since I wrote a blog. My last time here was a post on New Years. Last year. Oh the irony.
But can we talk about how life happens? Adding a third child to your family is work, y'all. Especially when said child has reflux and dietary restrictions and co-dependent sleep patterns, possibly enhanced by mama's love for baby snuggles. Not to mention when other children are experiencing life in their own way, requiring doctors visits, teachers conferences and all kinds of brainstorming on the best way to parent/discipline/teach/exhort them. And especially when anxiety rears it's head up and tries to straight destroy any feelings of normalcy. (another post, y'all) This is the NORMAL stuff. Not anything special or out of the ordinary. Parenting is work and my parents made it look like a piece of cake that was easy as pie.
Thanks for the heads up, guys.
So our family of five is settling in and the dialogue that is usually flowing through my head has slowly returned over the past 8 weeks, making me feel much more like myself again. Dialogue playing in my head is my norm, but when a newborn comes and sleep is scarce, that little voice goes away, along with it's comedic relief, introspective reflection and...
I just had to stop because my 5 year old came and told me that "this storm is kinda scary".
It's true...it's been thundering loudly for over an hour. My two-year old will be talking about it for days when she wakes up from her nap.
So distractions...
I've been toying with the idea of writing again. But I know that my writing will be different now then it's ever been before. I'm okay with it but feeling slightly insecure. I'm much more aware now of the lasting effects of the written word...or spoken for that matter. I feel a weight. A caution. Almost a hesitation of fear.
When you write something and people read it, no matter how eloquent, there is no promise on how it will affect them. There's no guarantee that your words won't be read with a certain bias or life experience by the reader that causes them to see you in a different way, good or bad. I've always said that if I am to be known for anything, or if I'm faulted for something, I want it to be because of my love for Jesus. Nothing else is worth speaking on if it hinders the power and work of Jesus Christ in and through my life. So I've hesitated writing publicly, and my journal is all filled up and I have somewhere around 45 notes on my iPhone of dialogue that I've dictated while thinking to myself, "Oh I don't want to forget that", "I better write this down", or even embarrassingly, "That could be a good blog". (so embarrassing).
A few weeks ago, I thought to myself, I'll give this a go.
Then, within 24 hours, I came across a scripture that presented itself to me in two different places by two different sources.
"Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions." Prov 18:2
Sooooo....that's a no, right Lord?
I waited. And I prayed. And honestly, was kinda dissapointed. I love writing. I love that it focuses my thoughts, helps me to process things, and most of all, helps me to remember. Can I get an amen from all the mama's out there!?
But if the Lord says no, and you just go on with your own plan, it's not pretty. Let's just have another amen for that too.
I got another word. Proverbs 3:3
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart."
And another...Proverbs 27:6
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses."
I wasn't necessarily prepared for this answer, but I can see God telling me, alright, if you're doing this, you're doing it My way.
That looks like me NOT airing my opinions, but speaking love and modeling faithfulness. Faithfulness to what? Him. Scripture. Truth. God-breathed truth that, can you believe it, we can read anytime we want.e you;
But wounds from a friend that can be trusted.
Do you know me? I'd love to be your friend. My husband has like 4 great friends...AND THAT'S IT. I, on the other hand, assume that once you're my friend, I can hold onto you for life. Prepare yourself. I was created to be a friend. Community is just something I love about life. (I'll talk about this in another post too per some of my dictated notes)
So if my desire is truly to be a friend that can be trusted, while also speaking truthfully, well in today's culture, that might sound like a wound. Our culture is messed up, y'all. It's confused and distracted and entitled and DECEIVED.
But you can take heart, because there is ONE who has overcome the world.
My nature though, is not necessarily to write this way. I'm kinda brash and don't think as much as I should before I say things. That can be offensive to some and that's where I feel insecure about writing about real things. May the Lord go before me. May my words be His.
May I be a friend who speaks truth and binds love to your heart?
Tall order, God.
I wasn't necessarily prepared for this answer, but I can see God telling me, alright, if you're doing this, you're doing it My way.
That looks like me NOT airing my opinions, but speaking love and modeling faithfulness. Faithfulness to what? Him. Scripture. Truth. God-breathed truth that, can you believe it, we can read anytime we want.e you;
But wounds from a friend that can be trusted.
Do you know me? I'd love to be your friend. My husband has like 4 great friends...AND THAT'S IT. I, on the other hand, assume that once you're my friend, I can hold onto you for life. Prepare yourself. I was created to be a friend. Community is just something I love about life. (I'll talk about this in another post too per some of my dictated notes)
So if my desire is truly to be a friend that can be trusted, while also speaking truthfully, well in today's culture, that might sound like a wound. Our culture is messed up, y'all. It's confused and distracted and entitled and DECEIVED.
But you can take heart, because there is ONE who has overcome the world.
My nature though, is not necessarily to write this way. I'm kinda brash and don't think as much as I should before I say things. That can be offensive to some and that's where I feel insecure about writing about real things. May the Lord go before me. May my words be His.
May I be a friend who speaks truth and binds love to your heart?
Tall order, God.
