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“What am I doing here?”

I’m halfway thinking this to myself, as I type these words and toggle to my email account to verify this blog site to exist. My son is standing in front of the tv in nothing but a pull-up turning the television on and off, on and off. And my daughter is in and out of her nap in the next room.

“I don’t have time to start a blog.” That’s the logical me. The one that knows I should spend any and every free moment doing something productive, like wiping the jelly off of the breakfast table or scrubbing the toilet (again) because my son would really love to potty train standing up.

But there’s another side of me. The side that was all there was before I became a wife and a mom. See, I love writing. It’s something that I did a lot of before I got married, became a mom, and life became a LOT less about ME. It helps me to process things. It helps me to remember. It helps me to take a stand and form my own thoughts. Lately, I’ve noticed some of these things not happening in my brain. I’m forgetful, I’m easily influenced and I’m foggy. It’s disconcerting at best, anxiety-inducing at worst.

Memories are precious…I don’t want to forget them. What goes into forming them? How can I remember more?

Forming my own thoughts is necessary in this broken and confused world. We are all daily infused with information that screams at us to allow it to influence us. It is sometimes quite difficult to determine what is truth.

While I think it’s a good thing that in the past 5 or 6 years, my life has become a lot less about me, I am clear that I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to read other blogs and allow them to dictate my thoughts about something. I don’t want to see the news and allow it to jade my opinion on life.

So here I am.

I have all kinds of outlets to display all kinds of parts of myself to the world…a family blog, an etsy store, two instagram accounts, facebook. Yet I’m not using any of those outlets to be myself in a raw and captivating way. So I’m starting fresh here. I’m putting what I think is absolutely necessary time and energy into remembering. I want to form and share my thoughts based on the only reliable source of truth on this earth…the gospel of Jesus.

I hope you’ll join me.